This is what I have for you

I am not going to lie to you, this weekend has been seriously crappy. I have had to watch bad things happen to people who do not deserve them and to see suffering that I cannot relieve. When I cannot help I get very frustrated, angry, and I get migraines. I hate those moments when you see things slipping around you, like watching glass falling off of a table and knowing that no matter how fast you run to it that it will shatter. There is nothing worse than the feeling of helplessness, it's like being lost but with the stark horror of knowing exactly where you are. Frankly, it pisses me off.

Sometimes things happen in life that just do not make any sense. We question the order of things and say that it is not fair. We want God to solve everything and for the pain to just stop. It just doesn't though because life does not work that way.

I realized that I needed a blessing even though I have suffered very little compared to those around me. The blessing was a very good one. It offered no promises of things getting better or that those that I love would get the help that they needed or that magical healing would occur. It offered me something true and honest. I was offered comfort. It may seem silly to you, that's standard for every blessing isn't it? This time was different though.

I felt like God was saying to me, "Liz I know you want to fix everyone, but you can't honey. I know seeing their problems and seeing their suffering is hurting you, I know because it hurts me too. People have the freedom to choose for themselves even if what they choose is bad for them. All you can do is let them know that you love them and that is enough. What I have to offer you is my love and my comfort. This is what I have for you, I hope you take it."

I feel like I have been offered this blessing over and over again but I just heard it for the first time. When things happen that just do not make sense and seem over whelming do not push aside these blessings. They may seem small and they may seem common but they are not. Listen to the small voice in the back of you mind that says, "I'm still here" and believe it. Hard times will come for everyone, that is just a fact of life that we cannot control. What we can control is if we accept that help that is offered to us from the One who loves us the most and wants the best for us. He never stops loving us even if we stop loving Him. I cannot think of anyone better to have in my corner and I promise that if you let Him into yours you will not regret it. Let go of what you think should be happening and let Him help you with what is happening.

I can think of no better way to end this blog than with the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

What I believe

Today I am going to talk about my religion. What I want to address here is the recent splitting of individuals in my church. In the wake of the excommunication of the leader of Mormon women stand, Kelly, there are now groups of people voluntarily severing themselves from the church in protest of this discipline. Seeing these people taking these actions to make my church look intolerant astounds me. It hurts to see so many people losing themselves in the ideology of the world and forgetting their God.

When I got up this morning my mind was troubled by what I saw in my social media feed, so I prayed. I prayed to understand what was going on and what I should do. I felt that I needed to do something and so I choose to bear my testimony of my beliefs. This may not be the most well written list and certainly not the most eloquent but here it is. This is what I believe:

I believe that the prophet, his counselors, the quorum of the twelve, and the rest of the general authorities are called of God and that they speak God's words. I sustain them unashamedly and will follow them wherever they go.

I believe that I do not need to be just like a man to have worth and influence on the world or the lives of those I love. trying to say that men and women are exactly the same, and treating themas such, is a disservice to both genders and will not fill the needs of either. I know that the way that women of my church are being portrayed in my church as weak, oppressed, and powerless but I do not feel this way. I feel that my leaders care about how I feel and value my service. I don't need to be a leader in the church to help build it up.

I believe that sometimes no matter how badly you want something, God will sometimes say no. When we get a 'no' we should take courage and respect God's answer.

Finally, I believe that men are fallible but that God is not so He is who I will follow. The leaders of my church are following Him so with them is where I stand.

Things are about to change and it is very possible that things are going to get harder. If they do Just remember the words of Joseph Smith,
"The Standard of Truth has been erected; no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done."

Also D&C 122: 7-8 if it gets very bad, remember what the God told Joseph Smith.

 7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

 8 The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

I plan on doing my very best to show my small part of the world that LDS people are kind and compassionate and that the women of the church are powerful as they are. Now is a time to live as we have never lived before. We need to be more diligent in doing the things we should be doing because the closer we are to God the stronger the help we have.

If this blog has done nothing but convince those who read it that I am a narrow minded moron, so be it. I am proud of who I am and I stand up in the name of God and testify that He lives! I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and that will never change. I am not subservient and I will not be silent. 

The Ones that Really Mattered

It's only 10:30am  right now, but I have already gotten a little frustrated. I started my day by looking up the news and saw the different problems of the world. The poor are getting poorer every day and the rich are getting richer. I read a case about a boy who was able to escape justice because his insane wealth supposedly makes him unable to make good decisions. There is war, death, and hatred in the world and it will never stop. There's a part in the scriptures that talks about evil being called good and good being called evil that certainly applies to  these days. Anything goes as long as that anything excludes religion or a set of morals that is unfashionable.

All of these things were weighing on my mind today. I talked to Jason about it and he gave me some very good advice. He told me that we cannot change the world and that we can only do good in our small corner of it but that the good that we do is important. I knew he was right but the weight of the world was still heavy in my heart. I felt the need to find further solace and oddly enough I found it on pinterest. On my quote board is a particularly beautiful quote from Sam in the second Lord of the Rings movie it goes like this,

"It's like in the great stories Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it is only a passing thing, this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you even if you were too small to understand why. But I think I do understand, I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances to turn back, only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding onto something."

"What are we holding onto Sam?"

"That there is some good in this world Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for!"

It can become so difficult to see the good when there is so much darkness in the world but the good is there. Though some may think of me as silly and antiquated I am so grateful to have a belief in God that keeps me going. Not only is He the light when the darkness passes but He is the light in the darkness. He is what keeps me going and I am so grateful for Him and I plan to keep fighting for the good in my small corner of the world.

Two Years with My Best friend. (Warning sappiness at dangerously high levels)

Today marks two years of marriage to my sweetie. I am so grateful that I was able to marry him there surrounded by my friends and family and start a new chapter of our lives. Being married in the temple has blessed our lives in ways that I cannot even describe. He cured me of my extreme phobia of marriage (a great feat I assure you) and showed what a blessing it is to be sealed to a good person. I thought the guy I married was awesome but it was only after I was married to him that I realized that he was so much more than that, he is the man who obliterated the shallow images of my sweetest dreams. He is kind, thoughtful, and very very sweet. Thank you Jason for serving me and letting me serve you. Thank you for choosing to spend your life with me and not rolling your eyes when I suggest watching a period piece or a Shakespearean adaptation, and in return I will try to like Hockey more. Go Avalanche!!!! I am forever grateful for the roommate who came to get me that 4th of July morning because a neighboring apartment was eating breakfast with us and that Jason didn't look at the ratty basketball shorts I was wearing and write me off.

I guess what I really am trying to say is I thank God that I met you Jason McEwen and I am still astounded and overjoyed that I get to be married to my best friend. Happy two years my dear, I love you.